picnic insanity
by Lxi
Summary: It's white day, a perfect picnic set for Tohru nothing could go wrong, not with this family though!! R+R


Mmm, I thought of this while I was high on oreo's, so don't ask any questions.  
  
Disclaimer: F-A: fruits basket can never be mine. *breaks down crying.*  
- :good, the first step is admitting the problem.  
*Silence*  
F-A :who the hell are you?  
- :Anonymous Anime obsession help line.  
*Silence*  
F-A :no comment  
  
~*~*~  
  
Yuki sighed as he rubbed his hands; it was all set and perfect. Everything was according to plan; looking at his watch he checked the time. It was almost time. This would be the perfect present; he would make sure it was perfect.  
  
"Yuki-kun? Is something the matter, you asked me to meet you at your secret base.?" her voice faded a little as the picnic set in front of her filled with food. "Yuki-kun?" she asked unsurely, her voice almost failed her.  
  
Yuki smiled at the brunette hair girl, "happy white day ne?" she smiled a little, "hai, I forgot it was today."  
  
"Sit please." Immediately she sat down on the carpet, "this is wonderful Yuki-kun, it's fantastic." She gushed, he smiled at her appreciatively.  
  
*  
  
"Excuse me, Yuki, I lost my way." the two on the ground looked up at the tall lanky boy, "I can't seem to find my boot."  
  
Yuki sweat dropped, "it's on your foot."  
  
"Oh." Haru replied there was a long pause, "where's my foot?"  
  
The two sweat dropped again, "err attached to your leg." Tohru quipped.  
  
There was a long silence, "oh so that where it is!" Hatsuharu said smiling pointing at his hand, "I was looking for it all day! I'll never forget where it is now." He muttered before walking out of sight.  
  
The two watched the figure walk out of the trees as they looked at each other, "well, I hope you enjoy it." Picking up a plate he handed it to her.  
  
*  
  
"Have you seen Aya?" the two looked at the intruder, "no, Hatori-san, is something the matter?" Tohru asked politely, the dark hair man nodded, "he went missing under my care. I have to find him." then he looked at the food, "don't tell me, Yuki cooked it."  
  
"Hai, Hatori isn't it wonderful."  
  
"I wouldn't eat it, it's probably poisonous, and I remember the last time Yuki cooked. Shigure was the only one stupid to eat it, he was sick for days." Tohru placed her chopsticks down, Yuki growled. "Well if you see Aya, tell me." He said before walking out.  
  
*  
  
"Did someone say my name?" a loud pronouncing voice yelled out as he pranced, Shigure followed almost drunkenly behind. "Oh, love birds Gure- kun, it was like our first date wasn't it?" the dark hair man smiled, "I remember those days."  
  
They both shared a loving glance, "Mit-chan, I heard them over there!" a loud squeal yelled, the two men glanced at each other and gulped.  
  
"We must leave, but here." Ayame said with a wink throwing Yuki a small package, "always be on the safe side."  
  
The two frowned as they looked at the package, then blushing furiously red Yuki dropped the package as if it burnt him.  
  
*  
  
Soon Mit-chan and Mine came out, "have you seen Shigure Sensei!" the editor asked desperately, her brown hair was dishevelled and she was panting from the running.  
  
Mine pouted, "and Tencho!" Tohru pointed to the direction the two men ran into blankly, and before they knew it the two had left.  
  
They looked at each other silently, Yuki heaved a sigh of relief at least that episode was over.  
  
*  
  
"How come I wasn't invited!" whined a voice; Yuki hit his head he had just had to say that. "Shut up you little runt!" another angry voice yelled.  
  
The blonde energetic boy bounded up in Tohru's lap, "how come I wasn't invited? How come Tohru?" he asked pouting.  
  
Tohru stared at Momiji blankly, as Kyou took him out of his lap to hit him. "Wahhhh, Kyou-kun is hitting me! Wahhh!"  
  
"You're voice is so annoying." He grinded as he knuckled his fist into his head, "WAHHH you're so mean Kyou-kun!" the boy said running out of the woods crying.  
  
"KYOU-KUN!" a loud voice yelled, the orange hair boy froze. "Hide me." He whimpered, "Kyou-kun!" the voice had gotten louder, jumping into the bushes Kagura showed up.  
  
"Do you know where Kyou-kun is? It's white day and I thought he would have given me a present and." Kyou made his fatal mistake on trying to dash out of the bushes, "Kyou!" she yelled as she attached herself upon his arm, "it's white day did you get me anything?" there was a silence, "YOU DIDN'T GET ME ANYTHING?" the violent Kagura began to stir, with a series of punches and kicks Kyou hit the floor. "Oh Kyou, who did that to you?" Kagura asked concerned,  
  
"I believe that was you." Yuki said flatly, with tears in her eyes she hugged the half dead Kyou in her arms. "Don't worry Kyou-kun I'll make sure you get better." dragging the Kyou by the arm she went out of the forest.  
  
*  
  
The two stared at each other blankly, "I." Yuki began, this was meant to be a perfect day for just the two of them. Frowning nothing ever went according to plan especially with this crazy family.  
  
"Yuki." Yuki's purple eyes snapped at the newest intruder, "I got lost again." the white hair boy said, "go to the paddock, I heard sheep can follow easily without getting lost."  
  
There was a long pause.  
  
"But I'm not a sheep, Hiro is."  
  
"Go to the paddock." Yuki said pointing the direction. With a slight nod Hastuharu was again out of sight.  
  
*  
  
Ritsu stumbled out of the bushes, the three blinked at each other. As Ritsu begun his rant, "AHH, GOMEN GOMEN NASAI, I DID NOT MEAN TO STUMBLE OUT OF THE BUSHES. IT'S ALL MY FAULT, GOMEN GOMEN. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR JUST STUMBLING OUT, FORGIVE ME FOR JUST BEING THERE. GOMEN."  
  
"Chi." Shigure's voice said as he poked the blonde cross dresser, the man dropped to the ground. "May the power of chi always be with you." Shigure said as he ran out of the woods laughing insanely.  
  
*  
  
"Onee-chan." Someone tugged Tohru shirt, "oh Kisa!" Hiro stepped up behind her with a mischievous smirk, "she wanted to spend white day with you."  
  
"I'm glad however, that is for boys to girls Kisa." The quiet blonde looked up to Tohru, "aww, you're so cute." Hugging the blonde  
  
Hiro glared, "who said you could hug her? Huh? She isn't just some toy that you can hug? And who gave you permission to hug?" Yuki began to get frustrated veins were beginning to pop out.  
  
"Hiro, Kisa the park is down that way." He pointed out, "but I don't want to go to the park, which said anything about going to.?" Hiro stopped in mid sentence as he noticed the deadly purple aura behind Yuki, "come on Kisa we can have more fun than these idiots." Pulling the blonde girl away from Tohru she began to cry.  
  
"Onee-chan!" she yelled struggling to get away from Hiro's grip, "onee- chan!" was the last call she made before they couldn't be heard.  
  
*  
  
"My little mouse." The two jumped at the eerie voice, "Akito, how long have you been there in the shadows?" Tohru asked a little frightened, "I have always been watching my little mouse.always." Stroking Yuki's hair, Yuki froze.  
  
"Akito, stop freaking Yuki out." Hatori's voice demanded, "oh but I thought we should spend white day together!" Akito said with tears in his eyes, "I wanna spend white day with my little mousy wousy!"  
  
*  
  
Kyou ran back into the small area without his shirt on, looking wildly "she's after me, hide me!" he said panicking,  
  
"KYOU-KUN!" the loud voice yelled, running behind Hatori he whimpered. With the shirt in her arms she looked around the area, "have you seen Kyou-kun?" she asked innocently, "err no, no one has seen Kyou." Frowning the brunette looked at Hatori, "is your back speaking Hatori?"  
  
"Err no, of course not what are you talking about?"  
  
Kagura squinted her eyes, "Hatori you can talk without opening your mouth!"  
  
*  
  
"Have you seen them?" Mine and Mit-chan ran in frantically looking around, "oh why!" Mit-chan said slumping to the ground, "he always does this, when it's an important chapter. I'm going to lose my job. WHY ME!" she began to wail.  
  
*  
  
Someone bounded into Tohru's lap, "Tohru, Tohru!" Momiji said with a bright smile, "I thought you would want some company Tohru-chan!"  
  
"ehh." Tohru said looking at the blonde blankly,  
  
*  
  
Waking up Ritsu looked around, "AHH, GOMEN FOR SLEEPING GOMEN GOMEN!"  
  
"I liked it better when you were sleeping." Kyou muttered, "There you are Kyou!" an angry Kagura yelled, the orange hair boy gulped.  
  
"GOMEN FOR NOT SLEEPING, GOMEN FOR WAKING UP, GOMEN. PUNISH ME FOR I HAVE DONE WRONG, GOMEN!"  
  
"Chi." A voice said rendering the man back to unconsciousness, "ahhh the power of Chi." Shigure said with a wink, "SENSEI! Have you finished it? Have you!!" Mit-chan began interrogating the dark hair man.  
  
*  
  
"My brother did you use protection!" a loud voice yelled, as Ayame entered the disturbed picnic.  
  
There was a long silence, "oh, I guess you didn't take me advice after all, I just hope you know the consequences."  
  
"There you are Tencho!" Mine said squealing, "I found you! Now you're it!" she said tagging him, Ayame frowned as he ran around chasing Mine.  
  
*  
  
"Onee-chan!" a loud voice said running back to hug Tohru, "she came back." Hiro said with a sigh, Momiji frowned and held himself protectively against Tohru.  
  
"She's mine!"  
  
Kisa frowned, "she's mine!" Kisa yelled just as protectively back.  
  
"Ano." Tohru said at a lost for words. Yuki pinched the bridge of his nose; he was getting a headache from all this commotion.  
  
*  
  
Hiro glanced at the ground near Yuki, he noticed a small package. "What is that? Candy?" the curious blonde asked, Yuki gulped a little, "no Hiro, it's just err." with a lost for words the rest of the adults quipped in.  
  
"Wrapping."  
  
"Not for you."  
  
"A toy."  
  
"Something for adults"  
  
"A decoration."  
  
"Protection."  
  
"For sex."  
  
"A condom."  
  
Everyone dropped to the ground their eyes twitching at Shigure and Ayame's bluntness, Hiro continued to look at it. "I'm an adult." He announced as he swiftly picked the package up. "But what's a condom? Something you eat?"  
  
Evading everyone's movement to pry it out of his hands he opened the package and popped in his mouth. Chewing on it he choked and spat it out, "it taste like strawberries."  
  
Yuki's eyes glared at Ayame, "I just thought Tohru might like the flavour." Ayame said with a small chuckle, there was a silence as Ayame was flown across the other side of the clearing with two black eyes.  
  
Yuki and Kyou looked at each other in relish.  
  
"Oh Tencho, are you okay?" Mine said running to him, Ayame smiled and tagged her. "Now you're it!" he yelled happily running away from the brunette, "No fair!" she pouted chasing after him.  
  
Yuki closed his eyes in frustration, this was meant to be perfect, for Tohru.  
  
"I got lost again Yuki, the sheep couldn't find the paddock." As Hatsuharu entered the scene once more with several sheep following him.  
  
With a loud yell the noise was getting to him, "okay all of you leave!"  
  
"But I just tagged Mine." Ayame said with a little pout, Yuki glared at his brother.  
  
"My little mouse, I must be with you for white day."  
  
"Leave!" he yelled, at them all. The group slowly dissipated and soon all that was left was Tohru and Yuki, Yuki sighed.  
  
"Gomen Tohru, it was meant to be a perfect picnic, I suppose with my family that could never happen."  
  
The brunette smiled at the silver hair boy, "it was a wonderful white day present, it was perfect." The couple smiled at each other.  
  
"Ano, do I really have to eat your cooking?"  
  
~*~*~[end]~*~*~  
  
Hope you liked it just as much as I enjoyed making it! Ja-ne! 


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